OLDER BROTHER SYNDROME
We know about the parable of the prodigal son. We know about his foolish request, his venture out of the boundaries of his father’s goodness, his repentance, and his father’s generous forgiving spirit. The older brother, however, we know less about. Let’s get to know this older brother a little and glean from him.
Commendably, the prodigal son’s older brother did not do any of the things his younger brother did. He didn’t abandon his father’s household, party with wild friends or flush his inheritance. He stayed with his father, not seeking out the thrills of adventure like his younger brother did. Nevertheless, when his younger brother returned home and was met with an ostentatious celebration put together at their father’s command, the older brother despised this:
But the elder brother was angry with deep-seated wrath and resolved not to go in. Then his father came out and began to plead with him. But he answered his father, Look! These many years I have served you, and I have never disobeyed your command. Yet you never gave me so much as a little kid, that I might revel and feast and be happy and make merry with my friends. Luke 15:28-30
The older brother’s visceral reaction challenges us to get a better understanding of the prevalent factors of our environment. This reaction betrays a fallacious reasoning that defines God’s goodness in big moments, and diminishes the import of moment-to-moment, uninterrupted flow of goodness.
Our understanding of our environment impacts our outlook and actions. This older brother was offended at the momentary lack of preference by their father. What he failed to see was the abundant reality of remaining in uninterrupted enjoyment of the father’s wealth and safety of his father’s household. The father pointed this out to him: And the father said to him, Son, you are always with me, and all that is mine is yours. Luke 15:31.
We, too, do this. We define God’s goodness in big moments and normalize the uninterrupted flow. Just as this older brother recounts his service to his father, we tend to think our service of God entitles us to God’s goodness. We fail to realize that many want to serve God but cannot. Service of God is itself a gift of God’s goodness:
I’m speaking to you out of deep gratitude for all that God has given me, and especially as I have responsibilities in relation to you. Living then, as every one of you does, in pure grace, it’s important that you not misinterpret yourselves as people who are bringing this goodness to God. No, God brings it all to you. The only accurate way to understand ourselves is by what God is and by what he does for us, not by what we are and what we do for him. Romans 12:3 MSG.
I heard a story of a family who had a non-verbal paraplegic girl as a member of the family. After a few years, this family had gotten into the routine of caring for her. They loved her and enjoyed interacting with her. With time, they’d come to code her cries even, so much so that they knew what which cry meant. This storyteller said the only thing this family who did so well with caring for the girl never could figure out was when she had an itch. Yes, she gave the itch cry and they knew that. But they couldn’t figure out where she was itching. They just had to pick a spot and start scratching from there. And sometimes they were lucky in getting to the itch quickly and eliminating it. Other times, they were not so lucky, and she kept crying until they finally got to it. Imagine how many times she had an itch in one day. In one hour. Yet this family still finds reward for their efforts in their daughter’s sigh of relief as soon as they found the itch. They find goodness in that.
An itch. Something most of us mindlessly address many times in a day. The goodness of God can have become so abundant that it is rote to us; it is mundane.
What am I saying? I am saying I wonder if we would all behave differently, be more thankful, react differently to momentary discomfort, believe stronger, hold on longer, if we are constantly aware of the goodness of God that surrounds us.
A syndrome is a collection of related symptoms. The older brother’s syndrome includes resentment, sour attitude, ungratefulness and a compromised perception of the depth of God’s goodness. Many times, I catch myself exhibiting many of these. Momentary discomforts cloud my vision and that becomes all I see. Thank God for the Holy Spirit who reminds me of God’s goodness! I see His goodness in big moments that are landmarking, but more importantly along the road leading to those big landmarks.
We enjoy the daily, uninterrupted goodness of God, and it should be celebrated. It is never mundane. More importantly, God’s goodness should teach us more about God, that He is fundamentally good to us. The discomforts are simply punctuations in the story of our life. They make the story coherent and easy to follow. They are important only because they help the story. They do not take away from the story.
Today, let’s take stock. Let’s look around. Let’s see the ocean of God’s goodness we’ve continuously, uninterruptedly lived in. Then let’s offer up grateful praise to God. Let us proclaim our full faith and confidence in His ability to take care of the rest.
By Sister Bolaji Akisanya